Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
