Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize