Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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