just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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