Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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