he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
