Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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