My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
