I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i love accidental penises.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
