If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My feet surprised me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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