she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
