that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
