I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
