i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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