the day after is always just damage control
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
