im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
