Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
