He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
