Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
