Got a toothbrush?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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