He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
