Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the day after is always just damage control
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
