I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
only you would photoshop your dick
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
