There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
