Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
