How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
