come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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