i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
