No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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