This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
