Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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