My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These tits shall not be calmed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
