made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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