Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
