Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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