I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
there is glitter all over my balls
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
