I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
