Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
