When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i will never coherently bang her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
