is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
