I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found puke in my bra..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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