McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
