she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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