my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
