I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
