There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
