btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
