There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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