His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
