It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
