Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
