haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
