You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
