Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
