That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
