I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
