i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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