Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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