What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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