yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
