Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
